I started Long Intermission after I quit my job last summer. An impulsive resignation that was heard like a shudder round the 15th floor of my old Midtown office building; and in fact, rocked my own foundation. Yet today, I almost walked out on my new job all over again.
But no! You cant do that Lodo. That’s what I had to remind myself as I stood outside my new office in the soft, wet snow. Just Relax. Breathe. Like Cesar says.
And I’m glad to say that I did.
I started this new job last September. I’d just left my old employer with no plan or direction, yet miraculously stumbled into this one within a few weeks. I was grateful at the time, and still am; but I wasn’t in the strongest bargaining position.
One reason why I’d got this job so easily was that I’d worked for my present boss before--a long time ago. Handled a couple cases for him when he was in a jam and he’d somehow got my name. He knew my work product and we got along well, so when we met again this summer we negotiated a salary and I was hired.
Actually, we negotiated a lot of things. Salary; car allowance; health insurance; bonus. We talked about it all and sealed the final deal with a handshake after two bottles of wine. I liked him; and perhaps because of that I trusted him. But now...
One of the first things we negotiated was my health insurance. Because I’d quit my job, I had to pay for COBRA benefits, which were $600.00 dollars a month. As an inducement to accepting less salary, my boss said he’d put me on his health plan right away as opposed to making me wait the standard 90 days. That’s $1,800.00 dollars, so I liked that.
Another thing we negotiated was my car allowance. As an investigator my territory is the five boroughs of New York; but the company could send me anywhere; so investigators are provided a car allowance. This allowance is standard practice throughout the industry, and its particularly beneficial to me since its not taxed as salary. Its paid like an expense and covers my parking space, which is a big deal in Brooklyn! I even make a little profit since I rely solely on public transportation and never drive--something my boss knew full well before we shook hands!
Of course we talked salary, but the last issue for our purposes here was bonus.
I never even brought up bonus. I was in no position to ask for bonus. It was my boss who brought it up.
“And let me tell you Lodo,” he said to me that night in Corona as he raised his wine glass and gulped down the last of his red, "...I give a bonus every year. And its a real Christmas bonus--something you can use that time of year. You’ll see when end of the year comes. Even this year, I’ll throw you a little something.”
I couldn’t ask for more than that, so we shook hands and the deal was done.
And reader, I’ve worked my ass off for this company. Eager to prove myself both to my boss and to myself, I worked 12-14 hour days and went to some very sketchy areas. But I really want this job to work out and before today still considered my boss almost a friend.
But our first moment of contention arose fairly quickly. Course contention is a word I use now--under the influence of my present emotional state; whereas then I just considered it a glitch in a new system. I was up in the Bronx when my boss called me.
“Barry, what’s up?” I asked into my company-provided Blackberry.
“Hey Lodo, how you doin’? Listen, I just had a conversation with my accountant...”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah. Seems I can’t put you on our health insurance. Not right away.”
“You can't?”
“Naw. I’m sorry man. She says that since all the other employees had to wait 90 days, I cant just put you on right away. That’d be like..discrimination against the others who had to wait.”
“...But we already agreed you’d do that.”
“I know! I want to. But she says it’d be like...discrimination against the others who had to wait”
Discrimination against the others who had to wait. I don’t know reader, I’m not a lawyer. Is there any validity to that argument? It seemed possible to me out there in the Bronx. Plausible. Still...
“But Barry, you told me you’d pay for that. That’s 1800 dollars.”
“ I know, but I didn’t check with the accountant. She says it’d be like...discrimination against the others who had to...”
“Yeah--I got that.”
So okay. That first taste of bitterness has to come sometime in a close relationship. Eventually we worked out an alternative arrangement--albeit highly favorable for him, and moved on.
But around the end of October I was in the office on a rare visit when the boss asked to speak with me. We sat side by side in his relaxed leather chairs as he reviewed my expense report.
“Lodo, I know you’re supposed to get a $250.00 car allowance; but I’m looking at your expense report and all you ever do is use the train.”
“Right, we talked about that. You even laughed at my kick-scooter.”
(laughs)
“Right, I know,” he said, “But,...I mean. That’s all you use. You never drive.”
“Right.”
“So how can I give you a car allowance? For what?”
“For my car--I own one. I just don’t need to use it. But I might if you sent me to Jersey. Or Staten Island. And it costs $185.00 a month for my parking space. We talked about this,”
“ I know, but I don’t think can justify more than that $185.00.”
Alright reader, $185.00 a month. Never mind that we’d negotiated $250.00 or the myriad of arguments I could use to justify full payment. Arguments I won’t detail here since this post is already my longest and perhaps most negative in recent memory. I ate the $60.00 a month (over $600 a year) and again moved on.
But today was a bit of a different animal. I’ve been at the company for four months now. I keep track of my billing on a little ledger next to my desk and for 2010 that figure’s at least 2x what I was paid for the four months. With that in mind, along with my good sportsmanship in regards to the health insurance and car allowance issues, I assumed Barry planned to give me a little bonus when he asked me into the office today.
But when I got there he looked at me as almost an after-thought. Like he’d forgotten he asked me in. I sat in his office and watched while he made about thirty phone calls, then another half-hour as he made his dinner reservations for friends he planned to meet that night. Finally I had his undivided attention.
“Lodo, I’m glad to see you. You look good. This is you’re kind of weather, eh? God I hate this shit myself, but I know you like it--you don’t have to drive, right? Anyway, listen, we’ve got a new client. Potentially big client. I mean, really big. But they wanna give us a few cases first.”
“Okay.”
“They’re huge Lodo, but very particular. They have special codes they use in their reports and everything’s gotta be done on their own forms. Jimmy’ll show ya. He’s got a whole stack you can take with you. That’s why I wanted you to come in. He has interview samples for you too. Look at ‘em. They’re a little different.”
Barry smiled at me with his small, pointy incisors and slapped the tabletop with the open palm of his hand.
“These guys might be real big for us Lodo.”
We smiled at each other for a few moments without a word. I had only one thought in my head, but I could see we weren’t on the same page.
“...So what else is going on?” Barry suddenly asked as he leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head. “Everything alright out there?”
“Yeah,” I answered, “I mean, you see the work’s getting done, right?”
“Absolutely, I love it Lodo. That’s why I’m giving these first two cases to you. But you need to speak with Jimmy. JIMMY!” Barry screamed out his open door to the office next door. “Lodo’s here for those forms! You gotta show ‘em the proper way to fill ‘em out!”
“Give me ten minutes Barry!” Jimmy yelled back in his nasal manner. “I’ve got Larry on the phone!”
“Well hurry up! I gotta get outta here!”
“You’re leaving?” I asked as my heart suddenly quickened.
“Yeah I’ve got a dinner tonight and I don’t wanna get stuck in this weather. I’m leaving now in fact.”
“Yeah but...”
“What?” Barry asked with a carelessness I suddenly didn’t care for.
I got out my chair and slowly closed the office door. Barry didn’t protest; and in fact, leaned across his table as though curious as to what I had to say. I returned to my chair, took a deep breath (‘cause these kinds of situations are hard for me reader!) and proceeded to say my piece.
“Barry, that night in Corona when we had dinner, agreements were made. I think you know what I’m talking about and for better or worse, we’ve resolved most of 'em. So I don’t want to go backward. But back in Corona you specifically said that you give a bonus at the end of the year. ‘A real Christmas bonus,’ that’s how you phrased it. ‘You’ll see, even at the end of this year.’ That’s how you said it. But now its a week after New Years, and,...welll....”
Barry maintained eye contact with me the entire time I spoke. He nodded at times where I’d have expected him to nod and showed deference to my comments where I’d hoped to sense it. But when I’d finished he exclaimed.
“Ah Lodo--come on. You’re only here four months! You just started! Lets see if these new clients like you. If they give us more stuff and ask for you, I wont be cheap. I’ll give you a piece. They could be real big. For both of us.”
Barry seemed genuinely excited for the two of us.
“...Yeah, but you said that before,” I reminded him.
“I did?” Barry asked, completely straight-faced as he shifted toward me in his seat. “When?”
“Back in Corona.”
“I did?” he asked again as his features took on the expression of someone genuinely attempting to remember. “I don’t think I would have said that Lodo. I know I give a bonus at the end of the year, that’s true. But after four months? I’ve never done that before. Usually th..”
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Jimmy.
“Come in!” Barry said as Jimmy opened the door fully and entered. As he did so, I shot-out my chair and brushed past him thru the door.
“Hey, where you going?” Jimmy asked as I passed. “We need to review these forms.”
“Give me ten minutes,” I said over my shoulder as I bum-rushed the coat stand and violently yanked my jacket, “I need a break.”
I’d have liked to have smoked a one-hit or taken a Xanax, but instead I stood outside the office in the blowing flurries. It was cold, but I didn’t mind. I’m from Detroit. I stared at the virgin snow as it dusted the green bushes round the office’s Long Island parking lot and watched as my water repellant jacket caused the small flakes of snow to bead and run off the coat’s edges in various directions. After a few minutes it became peaceful in its way.
You can’t just quit this job Lodo.
I know. Just relax.
And breathe.
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